Some people have trust issues for a number of reasons, whether it be insecurities or a past experience with someone who broke their trust. Whatever the case may be, building trust in a relationship is extremely important because it means that you have certainty in one another and you feel safe with them. Although some people feel that trusting someone is a choice that you make, it’s typically based on the other person’s ability to prove that they have earned and deserved your trust. Healthy relationships include mutual trust which involves commitment on both ends. Below is a list of things to ask yourself as your relationship progresses in regards to whether or not the trust and communication in your relationship is developing in a healthy way according to Love is Respect (2013), a leading resource in the empowerment of youth in preventing and ending dating violence (“Trust,” 2013):
“Is My Partner There for Me (and Am I There for Them)?
We’re not just talking about being there physically, but emotionally, too. Does your partner listen to you and support you? Are they sensitive to your problems, worries and fears? Do they show compassion and genuinely care about you? A person who is trustworthy is able to demonstrate consideration and care of others. This also means that they trust you to know what’s best for yourself. A partner who tells you they know best, or that you don’t know how you really feel isn’t showing that they trust you.
It’s also important to keep in mind that in a healthy relationship you can trust that no matter what comes up your partner won’t react in a way that threatens your safety or harms you. Everyone deserves to be in a relationship with someone who can resolve conflicts in a healthy, respectful way.
Is My Partner Consistent (and Am I Consistent with Them)?
Each person in a relationship demonstrates their trustworthiness through consistency in their actions. The first behaviors you look at might be relatively small, like showing up for dates at agreed-upon times. Keeping private information just between the two of you and always respecting boundaries are other clues someone is dependable. Again, learning these things in a relationship happens gradually, as you both show that you are consistent with your actions not just occasionally, but all the time.
Does My Partner Say What They Mean and Do What They Say (and Do I Do the Same)?
Another way a person shows they are trustworthy is when their words and behavior match up. You’ve probably heard the phrase, ‘That person is all talk.’ It generally means that someone’s words and actions don’t really correspond; they say one thing and do another. For example, if someone says they love you, and then they act abusively toward you, their words and actions don’t match. When you love someone, you do not abuse them.
Many people who contact loveisrespect are in relationships where one partner is constantly checking in, asking where the other partner is at all times, and/or trying to control who their partner spends time with. These behaviors aren’t healthy or signs of trust; again, trust is a choice you make. You can trust someone whether they’re right next to you or a long distance away. When there is trust, a person doesn’t feel a need to monitor or control their partner. They don’t need their partner to “prove” their love and faithfulness. It’s a lack of trust that makes those behaviors feel necessary. If you trust someone, you trust them regardless of who they spend time with or where they go. You trust that, even if someone else wanted to hurt your relationship, your partner wouldn’t let that happen,” (“Trust,” 2013).
Trust. (n.d.). Retrieved April 07, 2016, from http://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/trust/